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When a child doesn’t want to be adopted

In my last post I mentioned that we had started reviewing information online about children who are available for adoption. In the videos I have watched, they ask many of the children if they have thought about adoption and what they think of the possibility of being adopted. We have, of course, come across many different children who have many varied opinions on adoption in general, and on whether they would like to be adopted themselves. There were a few children who were bold enough to say that they have no desire to be adopted. They each have different reasons … Continue reading →

Is It the Infant Attachment or the Choice in Mates?

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In a couple of my last articles I began describing some of the attachments that are formed as infants. I also discussed how these attachments carry over into our adult relationships. While I was reading through the various signs and characteristics of each type of attachment, I began thinking that perhaps not all of these characteristics are caused from the infant formed attachment. Perhaps some of them come from the choice in mates. For example, I can see how a person who formed a secure attachment as an infant may form an anxious attachment as a romantic partner if a … Continue reading →

Attachments and Honesty

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So, yesterday we began looking into how the attachments that we form as infants can carry over into the attachments that we form with our romantic partners. I gave some descriptions and details about how each type of infant attachment would react as a romantic attachment. The attachment that one forms also influences the honesty that one has with their mate. From recognizing the type of attachment that your mate has, one can gain a better idea of how the mate may react in terms of deceit and deception. People who formed secure attachments as infants and have secure attachments … Continue reading →

More about Attachments

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My last article began discussing the various attachments that infants encounter with their caregiver. As discussed in the article, those attachments often carry over and influence the attachments that we have with our romantic partners as adults. Infants that had secure attachments with caregivers often grow up to be adults with secure attachments to mates. When a secure attachment is made to a romantic partner, there is no nervousness or anxiety about the relationship. These partners tend to have stronger bonds and a longer lasting relationship. There is more trust and openness in these relationships. Partners tend to have a … Continue reading →

Infant Attachments Influence Romantic Attachments

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As many of you know, I have been an avid reader of Beth’s story in Mental Health about Sue who refused to have sex with her husband until she wanted to get pregnant. It turned out that Sue had been sexually abused as a child and was greatly affected by the experience. Our history and background do indeed have a great deal of influence over how we respond to our mate and others around us. Knowing your partner’s childhood history may turn on a few lights for you about why he or she acts the way that he or she … Continue reading →

Stockholm Syndrome and Attachment Disorders: My Thoughts

It might seem odd that I find a connection between Stockholm Syndrome and Attachment Disorder but, for some strange reason I do. In our walk as adoptive parents I have found many who doubt the true depth of an attachment disorder, and tell us they simply don’t understand what the problem might be with a child who can’t accept and love parents after living a difficult life. Yet, these same doubters are willing and able to accept the fact that a well adjusted person could be kidnapped and abused into bonding with their captors? Stockholm Syndrome is a term used … Continue reading →

How Common Are Attachment Disorders with Adopted Children?

There is no real statistical information about how common attachment disorders are in the general population. Research does indicate that attachment disorders do happen with biological children. In many cases, attachment disorders may happen as a result of prolonged hospital stays for the child, parent, or primary caregiver. There is also strong indication that children who grow up in neglectful or abusive homes fail to develop the needed skills to properly attach or relate to other people. Attachment disorders happen most frequently with adopted toddlers and children. Especially with children in foster care and state adoptions who have come from … Continue reading →

The Movement to Inclusion

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When I was in elementary school we all knew that the students taken out of the class each day were special education students. We knew that the students were going to receive extra help from the special teachers. We knew that those students were falling behind in class and did not do the “normal” work that we did. This was the assumption among the majority of the class. The children taken from my class were not necessarily physically or mentally handicapped. Some did not even have a learning disability. Some of the children simply struggled academically. However, all children “labeled” … Continue reading →

Attaching in Adoption by: Deborah Gray

Attaching in Adoption Practical Tools for Today’s Parents by Deborah Gray is in-depth guidebook for any adoptive parent but especially for parents who adopt an older child. As a clinical social worker, Gray has hands-on experience and offers child, family, and individual therapy specializing in attachment, grief and trauma. Gray continues to work in the field at the Northwest Attachment Center in Kirkland, Washington. Attaching in Adoption provides adoptive parents and extended families a clear and understandable picture of how children and families adjust post placement and adoption. Gray details the issues families adopting older children most often face. Her … Continue reading →

Adopting An Older Child–Having A Positive Attitude.

Families who decide to adopt an older child generally endure several hours of training about all the different risks, issues and disorders we may have to face once a child is placed in our home for adoption. We are offered lists of acronyms for every kind of problem any parent might face, along with pages of information about some of the special needs an older child may suffer. Most of our family and friends are able to hold a straight face and agree to be a part of our Support System. A few people say foolish, uneducated, or ridiculous things … Continue reading →